Anthem invades Chattanooga; No animals harmed.
Posted by Matthew Pulling | Filed under Anthem
The Anthem Design Groups understand how important it is for modern professionals to occasionally observe exotic fish and mammals in large groups, and makes every effort to accommodate its team in fulfilling this need. Here is the process we used to successfully execute our own mass fish-viewing.
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Step 1:
Hire an eclectic and talented group of designers, programmers, artists, animators, and other miscellaneous geniuses. Cram them all into one (1) large passenger van.
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Step 2:
Drive said van to Chattanooga, TN. Park van outside the illustrious and ever-expanding Chattanooga Zoo. Enter gift shop. Provide one (1) large stipend for purchase of multiple plush camels. Advance from gift shop into zoo.
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TIP: Be aware of the availiability of lavatories and avoid embarrassing situations.
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On to the living attractions!
Step 3.1: Commune with primates.
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Step 3.2: Draw deep inspriation from the warmth and compassion of goats.
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The Chattanooga Zoo has the world’s largest indoor Red Panda exhibit. Where are the pandas??
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Step 3.3: Look at Red Panda.
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Good job!!
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Sometimes you have to travel far from home to appreciate what you already have. Luckily, signs exist just to point these things out.
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Okay, you can go now.
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Step 4: Go to the muthaflippin’ Tennessee Aquarium.
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Step 5: Look at fish there.
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NOTE: Sea creatures can be incredibly depressing. Don’t let them bum you out.
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These aquatic agitators can also be very frustrating. Retain your composure; don’t get dragged down to their level.
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Some water-dwelling animals have evolved the remarkable ability to sprout wings and fly freely. The Tennessee Aquarium is one of the only North American facilities fortunate enough to have a varied congregation of these amazing achievements of natural selection. A visit there is indeed a unique opportunity to scrutinize them closely.
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Okay, you can go now.
NOTE: Prolonged exposure to undersea conditions may prove confusing for your charges. Remind them that though they may feel waterlogged, topside they do remain.
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Step 6:
Leave Tennessee! Georgia patiently awaits, and there with it, the comforts of Dr. Pepper, Cheez-Its, and the unceasing, endlessly brutal cyclopian gaze of your computer monitor. Satisfying though they may be, fish are fleeting. Home and true design glory await, and you can tarry no longer. Onward, ever onward, like a shark.
Avanti, brave warriors!
One Response to “Anthem invades Chattanooga; No animals harmed.”
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Judith Says:
April 2nd, 2010 at 10:11 pmHilarious! I’m so happy to have you guys on my side (I love my website!). Not only are you a talented team with killer design instincts, but a fun team that knows how to have a good time!
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